Jim Who?

I know that everyone — someone? — no one? — may be wondering where the hell I’ve been, especially since the podcasts seem to be getting better and better in my absence. To let you all know, I am just really buried in work. I do want to say that I have missed getting together on Thursday nights for the weekly bitch session with Jason, Mark, and Noah. I wish that I had some great gaming story or at least a geek related post to write here; but alas, since my life has been all work and travel, all I have to offer is a little tale about my wonderful airline experience the week before last.

Our corporate travel agent booked my trip from Denver to Raleigh to Boston back to Denver through United. Wednesday was my Raleigh to Boston day. United doesn’t actually fly between RDU and BOS, so they pawned me off to US Air, who provides a 7:00am 2-hour connecting flight going through Philadelphia. On Tuesday, I tried to check in to my flight online. The United site wouldn’t let me. So I called United Customer Service Tuesday night. The customer service rep said to just check in at the kiosk in the airport. I asked if I need to check in with United or US Air. They replied, “United.”

Wednesday morning, I woke up early and arrived at the airport about an hour before my flight. RDU is a small airport and security is usually a quick process. The taxi cab took me to Terminal ‘C’ for United. I went to a kiosk and attempted to check in. “Not available. Check in with US Air” was displayed. Wonderful. I asked an United agent where I needed to go. She replied that US Air is in Terminal ‘A’.

So, I have to scurry over to Terminal ‘A’ and try to check in with the kiosk. “Cannot find your itinerary” is displayed on this one. Lovely. So, I have to wait in the big line with all the people checking their bags as the clock was ticking. Would I make it through security? However, all my fears of being late were put to rest when I made it to the counter and I was told that my flight had been canceled. Terrific. So, they found another flight on American, which of course would depart from Terminal ‘C’. The flight would leave in an hour, which would have been great to know before I set my alarm for 5:30 the night before. The good news was: I would now be on a direct flight and I’ll would arrive at approximately the same time as the first flight through Philly.

I took my time walking back to Terminal ‘C’ and went to security. The TSA guy looked at my documents and asked if this was all I had. I said, “yes,” and he points out that the only thing I was given was an itinerary. I needed to go up to the American ticketing counter and get ticketed. Great. So, I did that, and while I was there, I asked if I would still get mileage credit from United — of course not. American and United don’t have a mileage agreement. Awesome. It’s great to fly 1,000 miles and not get credit. I went back to security with an actual ticket that oddly had four big bold ‘S’s at the bottom. The guy takes one look at it and said I was to get the special treatment while he escorted me to the terrorist screening section of the airport. Apparently, when someone is bounced between airlines, they are flagged as a threat and need to be rigorously screened at the checkpoint.

They patted me down. Went through all my luggage. Swabbed all my stuff with weird little handy wipes that they analyze by inserting into some sci-fi machine that would tell them if I’d played with lawn fertilizer or accelerants lately. They just started to walk away with all my stuff in a pile and then nonchalantly turned around and let me know that I could go. I put all my stuff back in my luggage, collected myself and went off to find a breakfast burrito. I called my boss to let him know what was happening and then waited my 45 minutes or so before I boarded the plane. We went to board and I discovered that this was one of those little barf-bag express planes that only has 3 seats per row (1 on one side of the aisle and 2 on the other). They don’t let you take your carry-on onto the plane. So, I’m not sure why the let you keep it. You drop it off at the end of the sky bridge and they ‘valet it’ to the plane. I got on and took my seat in the very last row — lucky row 13.

I got settled, started reading my entertaining copy of Sky Mall, when down the aisle came the woman from the gate that checked our boarding passes. She walked all the way back to me and said: “Mr Fouch? I’m afraid we have a weight restriction on this flight because we have limited fuel. I’m sorry but you’ll have to take another flight. Please grab your things and come with me.” Now granted, I’m not the lightest guy in the world, but how in the hell did I draw the winning lottery here? Was I the only fucking person that had to leave this plane? Could they really calculate the weight to fuel ratio down to one person, his Eddie Bauer carry-on, and his MacBook? I wanted to scream “What the Fuck?” as loud as I could before I started my felonious walk-of-shame out of the airplane and to wait for the valet to find my bag out of the belly of the plane; but I really didn’t think it was a good idea to get arrested or kicked out of the airport at this time. I bit my lip instead.

After about 5 minutes of waiting for the grunt to produce my bag from the cargo hold, the gate-wench and I went inside and she gives me another ticket on the next available direct flight to Boston on American. It would depart in two hours. Sweet. I asked if there are any other flights on any other airlines and they replied, “yes, but they’re even later.” So, I facetiously said, “well, I guess I have no choice then.” I began to scour the airport for an AC outlet so that I might be a little productive as I sat around for two hours. There weren’t any. I went from gate to gate looking for outlets wondering how people vacuum and finally found the only outlet in all of Raleigh Durham. So at least I got a little work done while listening to the bullshit Roger Clemens three-ring circus senate hearing.

I got on that flight ok, got to Boston ok (though that flight left a half an hour late), got my car ok and finally got to work around 3:00pm. I was originally supposed to get there at 10:00am. That’s it. That’s my story. No moral. No meaningful end. Just a craptacular day at the Raleigh Durham airport with the outstanding people in the air traffic service. They still say it’s the safest way to travel — when you eventually reach your destination that is.

Cheers!

2 Comments to Jim Who?

  1. February 27, 2008 at 3:58 pm | Permalink

    My god! That sucks! You know, now that you’ve been identified as a known security threat due to too many airline jumps (not of your choosing) you should probably know that The Man is also watching your MMOG playing for signs of dissident behaviour. Remember that time you tried to get off the ski lift in COH and kept jumping off that map? Well, as a good American I felt it was my duty to report you for trying to exploit the game world in hopes of gaining control over the Pinnacle server to spread your doctrine of hate. Sorry. Have a nice day. Thanks for playing, etc.

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