Top 5 Cars Noah should consider to replace wrecked Subaru WRX

I hate “Top 5″ lists, and even worse are “Top 10″ lists, which usually are “Top 5″ lists plus five marginally interesting additions.  That being said, I’m going to list five cars that Noah might consider to replace his completely totaled Subaru WRX.  Yes, he was drag racing…again.  His Tokyo Drift wasn’t so good in his last epic battle for pink slips.

Number Five: The monster truck.  Noah’s “King of the road” attitude is complemented by this wonderful gem.  Let’s hope he doesn’t get a flat as it will require a pit crew to change one of these wheels.  The camouflage helps him sneak up on unsuspecting deer which will fall to the assortment of weaponry in his bad ass gun rack.

monster truck

Number Four: The weird big wheeled Monte Carlo.  I’m not sure if this is gangsta or redkneck or some crazy mix of do-rags and confederate flags but fuck it, Noah would look cool driving this thing.  I bet he’ll not have accurate mileage readings…ever…again.


Number Three: The Lamborghini.  With all the money he makes participating in not one, but two podcasts, he can surely afford this hand crafted Italian sports car.  This baby really helps if you would like to meet law enforcement professionals every time you drive.  Even at a stop light, you may appear to be going about 80 miles an hour.


Number Two: The Corvette.  Though still a bit young for his mid-life crisis to reach full bloom, Noah could easily don some gold chains, heavy gold rings, and sport this car to show that he’s a “player.”  I think red is the best color for this, as it reminds me of the wonderful Prince song.


Number One: The lowrider.  A chain steering wheel is so fun, and those hydraulic powered car motions are just shy of a cry for help.  This has to be the signature car for our beloved Noah.  Let’s hope he and his vato’s can really strut their stuff down main street with this tribute to too much disposable income.

Dude Gets Whacked

2 Comments to Top 5 Cars Noah should consider to replace wrecked Subaru WRX

  1. December 12, 2009 at 11:43 pm | Permalink

    Hahaha, you know the camo monster truck is the best match for the neckbeard.

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