Who is Channel Massive…really?

At last the ‘Origin’ issue of the Channel Massive staff is released. Behold, the About Us Page!

About Channel Massive

In 1939, as part of a highly classified US government project, four not-so-bright GIs were put in cryogenic suspension after being injected with a sort-of-super soldier serum. Due to lack of interest, their sleeping bodies languished in a cobweb strewn Army warehouse for decades.

In May of 2007, career janitor and occasional Othelo player, Cletus Kapimphsky accidentally bumped into a big red button inscribed with the simple but pertinent words “Press to save world” and Mark, Jason, Jim, and Noah were revived. Sadly their dethawing was not 100% effective which resulted in Jason’s perpetually slurred speech, Mark’s constant anger, Jim’s icy silence, and Noah’s hideous rash.

Liberated from their cryo-crypt the four now somewhat-super soldiers embarked on a brave plan to save the world. But first, they would need money, and lots of it. To this effect, they started a podcast commenting on MMOGs and the rest is, as they say, history.


Noah, sporting the neck beard.

Noah is the revered EIC for www.nintendojo.com as well as a travelling salesman who specializes in various Goth clothing lines.

Jason at computer

Jason writes for several underground web forums and likes smoking in his fine wood panelled basement surounded by his collection of antiquated computer equipment and porn.


Jim is a militant vegan cyclist who enjoys a good game of cybersex. He is often seen roaming the streets of downtown Denver looking for women with over-developed typing fingers.

Mark WILL get you.

Mark hopelessly tries to think of ways to monetize his useless autistic talents. In the meantime, he continues to grow his bangs out, raising the bar on fashion in the game commentary industry, which will someday give him the confidence to ask Michael Zenke out for dinner.

5 Comments to Who is Channel Massive…really?

  1. May 30, 2008 at 5:02 pm | Permalink

    I predict that email from female listeners will increase tenfold after seeing our pics.

  2. Onigato's Gravatar Onigato
    June 2, 2008 at 2:22 pm | Permalink

    You can like your money… Just don’t LIKE Liiiiike, your money.

    –Wonder Years Voice Narorater(sp) Voiceover–

  3. Julien's Gravatar Julien
    June 9, 2008 at 8:57 pm | Permalink

    This is one of those awkward moments when I wonder whether or not to ask….but ima go ahead and do it…are those really you guys? coz uhh…hmmm…killer bangs mark!

  4. Julien's Gravatar Julien
    June 10, 2008 at 2:20 am | Permalink

    You know thos moments when uve realized how dumb something youve typed is….that was one of them…heh..

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Be On the Show! Email Us
Podcast RSS
Blog RSS
Current Poll

How often do you play MMOs?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...
Blog Categories
Fave Blogs